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| I have a new xanga people....lol...i have written alot in there already but anyway...its called Fallen_Butterfly
I wont be using this one from now on!
~WhiteWolf~ | | |
| Me and Robert had an arguement the other morning....I dont care any more but i got an email from him this is what it said-
u r a lying cheating stalking bitch that deserves to rot in hell for the pain and torment u cause all in the world who come in contact with u .. turn it on me if u want i have a journal that shows the truth of ur stalkings even if i do have the entries private .. i can show the world wat a lyin whore u r .. im glad u iggied me ...... bc now i dont have to bother good riddance ..
and tell ur darkness hi for me when u c it again bitch
i wish u would have left me alone the first time i asked like forever ago.
This is the guy that a few weeks ago was saying that he loved me
~WhiteWolf~ | | |
| I regret saying what i did this morning....but i'm going to leave it there anyway cos i want people to know what Robert drove me to...he's poison to be honest...he tells people that he dont even know that he loves them then convinces them that they love him and then when he gets bored with them he makes them think that they've done something to upset him...so that he then can say that he cant trust you and cant love you anymore...for gods sake he proposed to me!! and he aint even met me!! We aint even in the same god damn country!!! I love Donna... I will always love her and i know that i will never be able to love anyone like i love her...so i'm glad that you've blocked me Robert...you cant twist everything i say and confuse me more...I never loves you...not like i said i did...i wanted your help that was all...but you made it more...I didnt want that...to be honest i still dont want that...I may love Donna but i know that i'll never have her and i'm trying to move on but you've just put me about 50 paces back...I'm trying to move on by having this relationship with Russ...i know that nothing that serious will come of it cos he's so much older than me but being with him seems to make me happy...it does make me happy...i know he mainly just wanted to sleep with me but thats fine with me...lol...aint i just the little slapper! Well...there you have it...I love Donna....but i cant be with her...so i'm with Russ...I do NOT love Robert...I never have done...I know that he loves another and i know that i mean more or less nothing to him cos if i did he wouldnt treat me like he does...but i dont give a fuck any more...he can piss of to Iraq and get shot for all i care. There...you have the truth my wolfie...your lil black kitty is a slag...a liar...a cheat...and a complete psychotic bitch!!! HAHAHA
~WhiteWolf~
ps I have another xanga...its called The_Night_Stalker_Wolf haha i told you that i cant write i will be using this one stil though no worries | | |
| I ask for his help...he runs away from me...I cant talk to him any more...I cant try to explain how i feel and why i feel like i do...he wont let me. He says he loves me then he says he loves another...he says he loves her less than he loves me but he writes poems about her...he's not even nice to me any more...but this is all my fault...I'm the one to blame...I was the one who wouldnt trust him...I'm the one who lied...cheated...I dont deserve his love...I dont deserve anyones love...but i cant live without love...I need to be loved for I need to be cared for...doesnt everyone? Without love my life is empty...I have no life without it....I dont want a life without it...I CANT live without it. I was regected by Donna...that was my fault aswell...I've now been rejected by Robert....I only wanted his help...I wanted him to show me how to love...how to care for people because thats something ive never been able to do...I dont think i'll ever be able to...y should someone who cant love be loved? Y should someone with no love have to carry on living? Y do i have to? There is only one answer to that...I dont...I dont have to carry on living...its my life and i can end it when i like...there is no one except the 2 people i love most that can stop me from destroying myself completely
Goodbye my friends...I beg you though...forget me and what I'm going to do....and never take the same path...there is someone out there that will help you...that will love you...I just dont have the strength to find them
~WhiteWolf~ | | |
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I'm so pissed of...I'll start from the beginning though...
A few days a go Robert told me that the engagement is now of...well he didn’t tell me he just left a comment on my xanga...how nice of him NOT....I was so upset although i have been for a while now cos I don’t know if Robert is telling the trust when he says he loves me...in the way that he says he does anyway...he tells me that he's trying to get money to come to England but on his xanga it says that he's trying to get money to go to California...what’s the truth? I don’t know...I’m so confused...
Then last sat me and my best mate went into town together and we met up with this guy Russ...I'd met him through a chat thing on my mobile. We met up with him just outside the train station in Lincoln as soon as he saw me he kissed me. Then we went and got some lunch none of which I ate. I felt really sick cos i was so nervous...this guy was like twice my size and if he had wanted to attack me or he could have done easily. We went to the cinema and saw…umm…I cant remember…I was paying to much attention to Russ while we were in there. Then we came out of the cinema went round town for a bit then went back to my house. We didn’t have long together though cos he got to my house at around half 7 and had to get his taxi at 5 past 8. But Hannah was with us to cos she was staying at my house for a few days...me and Russ went into my bathroom…I ain’t gonna tell you the details of what happened next but lets juts say I enjoying it…big time. He’s older than I am and I could so tell cos he actually knew what he was doing unlike most of the guys my age. Although he gave me a love bite and when my mum saw it she called me a slapper. Lol. But I really enjoyed being with him…he’s really nice…bit dodgy mind you. Lol. I wanna meet up with him again but he’s working this weekend *sobs*.
Then yesterday I go to my art lesson and get told that I have to stay behind cos I have a detention…I have now got art detentions for all of next week. FUCK! It’s my own fault though for not doing my homework…but I have problems at home, which the teacher knows about, but she don’t give a shit. Out of my one-hour lunch break I get to spend half hour in the art studio. But by the time I’ve got to the detention I’m 5 minutes late which I make up at the end then by the time that I get out of the detention I only have like 10 minutes for my lunch.
Then yesterday when I get into my form room for lunchtime registration and my form tutor says that I have to go see Mrs Denison in the library. I thought fuck she’s gonna have a go at me for my shit R.E exam result (Mrs Denison is my R.E teacher) but no I go and sit down by her and she starts to say something which at the moment I cant remember. But what ever it was I knew that she was talking about me meeting up with Russ at the weekend. I screamed at her saying who the fuck told you that I had met up with him, the it twigged who it was…Danielle and Jo…I can remember coming out of my R.E lesson and those to stayed behind to talk to miss for some reason. I thought nothing of it at the time but thinking about it I knew who had told Mrs Denison about Russ. Those two bitches. I was so fucking angry I nearly fucking punched Mrs Denison. After w while she calmed me down and then we were talking about things…I have a lot of problems at home that only Mrs Denison knows about. Well she thought she knew what the problem was but I soon corrected her. But then she was going on about how dangerous it is and all that shit. I know how dangerous it is that’s why I fucking do it! I get a high outta risking my life. If I know that there’s a chance of me being killed by someone I’ll get a high over it. I even told her that but she didn’t understand. I asked her if she would tell my mum which I really did NOT want her to do cos that would have made everything ten times worse. She said no…well in more words actually but that’s what she meant. Then she suggested that I get counselling…I thought wtf??? I ain’t that messed up thank you!! Well maybe I am but I don’t care I like how I am now…well I don’t like it that much but I’m ok with myself at the moment. I don’t want to talk to some stranger...actually I don’t want to talk to anyone about it…ever. I hate talking to people.
Well this has been my horrible last few days…I’ve lost the one I love…or thought I loved anyway…I’ve fallen out with two of my mates and now have to go to counselling….great ain’t it???
~WhireWolf~ | | |
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